As a newcomer to living in Thailand you will meet lots of people everyday. Of all the people whom you meet I wonder how many of their real names you will ever know.

     The other day I got an interesting email.

     Hugh,

     I will be leaving Ayutthaya this evening and will be in Chiang Mai tomorrow morning. I am looking forward to seeing you.

     Pilaivan Cushing

     So someone is coming to visit tomorrow. The question is who in the world is Pilaivan? Have I ever met anyone named Pilaivan? Then I look closer at the email and see her last name. It is a Western name. That should give me a clue. I remember then that a Thai friend from Seattle, who is married to an American, said she would be in town at around this time and would drop in to see us. I figured it out. Toi is coming to visit.

     I have known Toi for almost 35 years, and never once have I heard her called by her given name. In fact, I never knew her real name until now.

     Thais use nicknames a lot more than given names and almost never use last names. Nicknames are used on almost all occasions except very formal ones, like getting born and dying and a couple of instances in between, including emails I guess. Sometimes the nicknames are simply a contraction of a given name, like Nuanpan is called, "Nuan". But sometimes people are named after an animal, like Pig (Moo) or Chicken (Kai), or a colour as Red (Dang) or Black (Dum), or a diminutive like Tiny (Noi, Lek, Jiw, and Toi) and sometimes a body trait like Fatty (Uan), or Gap-tooth (Law). Then there are names like Talcum Powder (Bang) that are a little harder to explain.

     These names come to Thais very soon after birth and stick for a lifetime. I don't know the real names of most of the Thais I know. I checked; quite a few Thais who have known each other for years don't know each other's names either.

     Add to all this nickname confusion the fact that Thais almost never use just the person's name or nickname alone but always add some kind of honorific or relationship title. The most common of these is Khun (Sir or Madam), used with most people except really close friends. There's also Than used with higher ups, Ajarn used with your teacher and Mor used with your doctor. You would rarely say, "Lek, how are you?" The Western world has become increasingly informal and the use of the first name alone is very common. But to be polite in Thailand you will need to say, "Khun Lek, how are you?"

     For closer acquaintances Thais use a family relationship title even when you are not related. Examples of this are little brother or sister (Nong) and older brother or sister (Pi). There are also terms for your parents' younger brother or sister and the older equivalents. Then there are the various grandparents on either side. You get the picture.

     So a real name by itself is almost never used here. You end up calling people something like, Older Brother Pig or Maternal Younger Aunt Chicken, or Paternal Grandfather Gap-Tooth, or Little Sister Talcum Powder. Having been associated with Thailand now for almost 40 years I have gone from being called little brother (Nong), to older brother (Pi), to younger uncle (Naa). Now people are referring to me as older uncle (Lung).

     I haven't been called grandfather yet but my wife was hailing a taxi the other day and the driver said, "Where do you want to go grandmother (Yai)?" That did not exactly make her day.