A Thai friend of mine came to me with a problem a while ago. He had a farang house guest and because of it he was going broke. He was just on his way to the pawn shop to hock his new cell phone when he bumped into me.

     Here is how he got into this mess. He and his farang visitor, a friend of his brother who is living in America, would go out to eat every day and as is customary my Thai friend would always reach for the bill at the end of the meal. The farang's response to this was always, "Thank you very much. That's very kind of you." "What should I do?" my friend pleaded. "He drinks a couple of beers every meal and soon I'll be bankrupt." This house guest obviously does not know about the "Who Pays the Bill Dance".

     When Thais have dinner with friends they almost always will do so at a restaurant. Home entertaining is infrequent, if never. At the end of each meal there is always a scuffle to see who will pay the bill. This is a traditional dance, two parties pulling at the bill or shoving money at the waiter. The waiter, who knows the dance, stoically waits until the dispute is resolved before taking the money from the "victor". What my friend's farang house guest didn't know was that this dance is a way to show that, "I care enough for you and am successful enough to buy you a meal." It doesn't mean that I really want to pay every time. The next time they go out they will have the same dance, but the other friend will be allowed to win the prize and have the honor of paying the bill. It's an unwritten law.

     In order to be fair and equal, in Farangland, diners will go as far as to take out a calculator at the end of a meal to make sure that everyone pays his fair share. A bill in Thailand though is never split, but if done correctly, the Thai method is just as fair, with each person paying equally, albeit spread out over a couple of meals.

     Here is how the bill paying dance goes. If an older person or one of a higher status invites a person for a meal, he is expected to pay. That is a payback for all the meals they ate when they were younger and an older person paid for them. If you are retiring here to Thailand then it is quite likely that you will be the oldest person at the dinner table. Unless you have lots of baht in your pocket you might want to be careful whom you invite out to eat.

     When people of similar status and age get together then usually the person quickest to grab the check is the one who pays. The next time they go out his hand will be a bit slower allowing the other person to even things out.

     There are a couple of good ways to avoid arguments. My wife will leave the table shortly before the end of the meal saying that she will use the washroom. She slyly goes over to the desk and pays the bill without our friends seeing. When the meal has ended we simply say, "Everything has been taken care of." to the disgruntled groans of our dinner guests. Invariably they will do the same at the next meal.

     But what works best is to make an agreement before the meal begins. Say something like, "I would like the pleasure of paying this time since you paid last time. Is that OK?" Of course it will be because they will do the same next time you go out. You just need to keep track of whose turn it is.

     The last I heard, my Thai friend had just hocked his TV. His farang house guest really needs to learn how to dance.