Many people come to Thailand hoping to form relationships and find a life partner. There are ads in newspapers, magazines and on the internet offering to help put prospective partners together. Other people find their potential mates in a more "customary" way. These pairings sometimes develop into lasting, legal bonds or sometimes merely into convenience relationships. Some end in love, others will end in heartbreak.

Why the people on either side enter into any relationship is an individual matter. On the visitor's side, some are lonely and looking for companionship. The Thai side may be looking for a security net that the visitor's money can offer. Some couples are really in love. Each person's need is legitimate and understandable. Whatever the reasons are here's a bit of advice: If you are looking for a life partner in Thailand you should know what you might be getting into.

Frequently, when a farang becomes involved with a Thai, he/she is also forming a relationship with parents-in-law, siblings, children from another marriage, and often an ex-mate, whom his prospective partner may or may not still be involved with. He will sometimes have to take on the economic responsibilities for a whole network of people he previously didn't know existed. He may now have to send children to school, put a new roof on the in-law's home, bail his brother-in-law out of jail and pay off the former partner's motorcycle loan. That's a lot of baggage. Some people believe that if you want to carry other people's baggage you should work as a baggage handler at the airport. For others it's no problem.

As you would back home, take the time to really get to know your potential mate. Know what motivates them, learn about their families, learn to form a mutual trust bond. When you've done this homework then you can make an educated decision as to whether this is the kind of relationship, with whatever baggage and idiosyncrasies it brings with it, you are looking for.
Some relationships really make it. My wife and I have only been married for 35 years so the jury's still out, but I think the prospects are good. But more often than I would like to see, a lonely farang will leap without even looking. I know one unsuspecting man who bought his fiancée a house and a truck and didn't know anything was wrong until she had sold the house and drove the pickup out of town with her female lover. He's not the first nor will he be the last to see his dreams disappear down a Thai road in a cloud of dust. Just as many naive Thai partners have their own disaster stories.

When a relationship is not equal, when one side has complete control of the economic livelihood of the other, it is not unexpected to encounter some animosity on the side of the more dependent partner. The depth of this hostility became clearer to me one day when I was lounging at poolside. Two young Thai women were speaking with each other about their "husbands" who were currently drinking at the bar. I guess they thought I didn't speak Thai so they were talking openly about the common complaints that many "wives" have, "He drinks too much," "He's lazy," "He doesn't give me enough money," etc. But one curious thing struck me. When referring to the men at the bar they used the Thai pronoun "mun". This word is normally translated as "it". The way these women were using it, it is a word more often used with farm animals, dogs, and with people you utterly detest; an interesting choice of words to use with your spouse, I thought.

Relationships are tricky things even when both parties speak the same language, come from the same culture, and have the same basic goals. When all these things are different then you are in for lots of work. So it is wise to first know what you are getting into. And maybe even more important, find out what pronoun your partner uses when referring to you.