I was at a gathering the other day where a number of expat women were talking about how their marriages had become stressed and then disintegrated once they came to Thailand. I wondered if this was a common phenomenon here. To find out how widespread this problem was I went onto an expat forum on the Internet and asked if other couples had experienced similar problems with their relationships in Thailand. I got lots of responses. Here are a few.
"We moved to Thailand to live out our golden years. My husband temporarily rediscovered his long lost libido and left me for a smiling young Thai girl. Farang men should know that Thais smile at everyone, even balding, gap toothed, Viagra dependent, old farts with dried out wrinkled skin, enormous beer bellies and man breasts, like my husband. But my story is not completely sad. He built his new-model wife a really expensive house after which she promptly kicked him out. I'm happier now living alone but feel rather sorry for the old man."
"My marriage fell apart because my wife began to have paranoid assumptions that I was sleeping with every single Thai girl that smiled at me. She rather unconstructively turned to vodka to deal with these feelings. She has now returned to the UK and hates 'everything Thai', not thinking that maybe there were other problems in the marriage."
"I was married almost 40 years and came to Thailand to teach school. But my husband was retired and had no full time work. He got bored, he said, and returned home leaving me here. For the main breadwinner, man or woman, life doesn't change very much. You get up, go to work, come home. If the other half doesn't keep busy, that's a recipe for trouble."
"My marriage wasn't the strongest in the world and when my company had me constantly travelling, our marriage finally broke down. It was only co-incidental that later I developed a relationship with a Thai girl here. We got married and now have a 3 1/2 year old son."
"A couple I know came to Thailand for a month's holiday. The husband couldn't keep his eyes off the beautiful Thai girls. As the husband was out to clubs 'on his own' the wife met a young Thai man who was very attentive and courteous. When the husband got ready to head back home he wondered why the wife wasn't packing. The husband returned alone. The neglected wife never left. Recently, she and the attentive young Thai man celebrated their 16th anniversary."
"I have a good friend who is general manager for a major international relocating firm. He estimates that at least 50% of those couples he moves here end up going home separately."
So should moving to Thailand come with a warning label? Maybe a warning does need to be issued, or maybe the percentages of broken relationships are simply no higher here than they would be back home. In any case, it is probably true that if your marriage is under pressure, and which marriage isn't, the stress of living in a foreign country could be the straw that breaks its back. Jealousy, roving eyes, excessive leisure time, lots of alcohol, and the illusion that a smile means "I want you", certainly can add to the stress. For various reasons, Thailand may have a worse track record than other places. Please enter with caution.
