The only way you can safely say 'No' in Thailand is to say 'Yes'. But with a little practice you will be able to always say 'Yes' and still evade doing what you said you would do.

You have probably already been introduced to how a question of yours will be answered in Thailand. It's almost always with a 'yes'. If you ask the visa agency, "Will you be able to get me a long term visa?", the usual answer is, "Of course, it will be easy." You may or may not ever get that visa. How about this question, "If I lose all my money will you still love me?" The answer most often heard is, "You bet! You're my true love."

The same goes when asking a friend to come over to help you out. "Can you come to my house tomorrow to help me move some furniture?" "Sure, I'll be there early." your Thai friend says. Well, "early" could mean tomorrow or it could mean never. How about, "Will you be able to finish the bathroom tiles by next week?" The answer, "No problem." Well, good luck with that. The thing is, usually no one will really be lying to you.

A Thai would have known by the way all of the above said 'yes' that they may or may not have meant 'yes' the way you mean 'yes'. In the Thai culture, there are ways to say 'yes' and mean 'maybe', and there are ways to say 'yes' and mean 'no' and very occasionally 'yes' will mean 'yes'.

I tried saying 'no' once. Way back when I was a new teacher in Thailand, one of my fellow teachers asked me to cover a week of her classes. Trying to be polite in answer to this outrageous request I said, "I'm sorry. I just don't have the time to help you right now." That was the last time that teacher ever talked to me, ever. I had made an enemy for life just by saying 'no'.

Someone recently asked me a similar question and, with a little more experience, this is what I said: "Of course I will teach the classes for you. Oh, I forgot. In a few days I have to go to Phuket. My wife and I are going on a cruise to celebrate our anniversary. And later we will be going bird watching in the mountains. But if we can work around my schedule, I would be glad to teach any class you wish."

She got someone else to cover her classes, and we are still friends.

Saying 'no' by saying 'yes' is not something that is intuitive for most of us. We need to practice. Here are some exercises. Think about how you would answer them and compare your answers to the suggested ones.

Question: Your friend asks, "Can you edit my master's thesis for me?"

Suggested Answer: Sure. Let's see, the thesis is 175 pages. I could probably do one page a day, except on the weekends of course. That means that we could finish in 7 - 9 months. Maybe a year.

Question: Your brother-in-law asks, "Can I borrow some money?"

Suggested Answer: No problem. As soon as my cheque comes from the UK I will lend you anything you need. I am expecting it in about 3 - 4 months, maybe longer. I'll let you know.

Question: Your girlfriend asks, "Will you take me to America with you?"

Suggested Answer: Of course.